The School of San Cris

After spiritually experiencing two very clear calls that urged me to go to Mexico, I was convinced here would be where I would find my spiritual "teacher.”  I had been feeling a desire for a long-term mentor or guide to support me in my practices of body and energy work.  I thought that would add structure and direction to my work. 

In reality, what I found was a pattern of people here who were frauds, energy thieves, and disappointments.  During my time here, I have felt like a victim of these toxic interactions, but after the most recent encounter with a spiritual narcissist, I had a moment of realization.  All of these people HAD been teachers of sorts and taught me something.  I learned various different lessons about what spirituality means to me, how to hold authentic space for others, and to be true to myself.  My own definition of spirituality is the most important thing that will mold the way I work.  I realize now that I never needed a teacher to tell me what to believe; I was only searching for guidance in fine-tuning my innate abilities.

It seemed, however, that the people I encountered here were only driven by money and/or narcissism.  They wanted to make someone think like they did.  Because of the past traumas I experienced, I had developed people-pleasing tendencies which could have made me an easy victim.  This uncovered another valuable realization; that I am fortunately not vulnerable to being influenced by people with cult-like mentalities.  I acknowledged that I've evolved into a person with intelligence, experience, and intuition, which allowed me to navigate my way through these situations and avoid their influence. 

The problem is that “spirituality” has become a big money maker.  Just like any other business sector, it is now littered with greed, toxicity, and pretenders.  The dangerous part is that the people who go in search of guidance and to utilize these modalities can be incredibly vulnerable.  Many people within the spiritual community who purport to offer help are predators.  “Spiritual Healing” is now a buzzword phrase and there are many unscrupulous people capitalizing on that.  Most people have no idea how capable they are of healing themselves if they would only seriously use self-care ideas like self-exploration and safe self-expression.  There are many “healers” out there not only waiting to take their client’s money but also to take credit for their ability to heal them, which, in turn, feeds their own egos. 

I am exploring for myself the question of how I can return to my own work without falling into the same space as these people. How can I avoid feeling like I'm benefiting selfishly from other people's struggles?  How can I market myself in a healthy way without contradicting my own beliefs?  These internal struggles manifest for me as self-doubt, which, ironically, many of the people I've spoken of don't seem to suffer from.  I DO understand that it is normal to feel good about what I do in my healing work.  Everyone would want that in their chosen profession.  It’s the unhealthy and manipulative part that I am talking about.

The moral of the story for me is to continue to look within myself for the answers I'm seeking, not to search for someone else to do it for me.  My continuing self-examination journey, what I learn about myself, and how I grow from it is starting to become one of my greatest tools in my work with others.